Child development (6) - two to three years

Between the ages of two and three, toddlers begin to talk in sentences and sometimes say things in a big, definite voice. This can trick us into thinking they are more grown up than they really are. The most important thing to remember is that your two or three year old is still a baby.

Social and emotional development#

Your two year old is learning about relationships, and can sometimes imagine how other people feel. This is the beginning of empathy. They know what they want and may appear bossy, and “no” may be one of their favourite words.

• Temper tantrums are common at this age.
• They may play with other children for a short time, but aren’t yet capable of true sharing.
• They find it hard to wait or to make choices.
• They can’t yet understand reason or control their impulses.
• They love to copy adults, in both appearance and activity.

Be careful about adult talk around your toddler. Their understanding of words is ahead of their understanding of the world, so some topics can worry them. Introduce the world to them in pieces they can cope with.

Developing understanding#

• A two year old still thinks their parents can read their mind.
• They have difficulty telling reality from fantasy, and enjoy make-believe play.
• They can usually do some scribbling, lots of lines and dots, but not yet a recognisable picture.

Physical skills#

Your child is much more confident with their physical abilities, but doesn’t have a good sense of when to stop. They often test limits.

They can’t keep themselves safe, so you must set and enforce limits for them. You can help build their skills by providing safe chances to play while you supervise.

During this time they learn to climb up and down stairs, kick a ball, and jump off a step. They can help to undress themselves and even manage to put some clothes back on.

Language development#

Your toddler’s language is developing very quickly. Often their sentences don’t make sense to you, but the more successful they are in getting their message across, the more they will want to communicate.

• By two, many children are naming lots of things, and by the end of this year most are saying short sentences.
• By three, most children can follow complex instructions.
• They will still get “you” and “me” mixed up sometimes.
• Most children this age cannot say all their words clearly.

Toileting#

It is usually during this year that your child shows you they are ready to use the toilet. However, some toddlers will still prefer nappies, or may want to return to them if a new baby has joined the family.

• Let them set their own pace and encourage them to take responsibility.
• If your child isn’t making progress with the potty or toilet, stop for a while and try again when they are older.
• Being anxious or cross makes it harder to go to the toilet.

See a health professional if tensions have arisen between you and your child about toileting.

Supporting your child’s development#

Suggested activities include:

• Give them individual attention whenever you can, and show a real interest in them.
• Read aloud to them and talk about the pictures.
• Talk with your child and ask questions about what they are doing.
• Provide toys for stacking, things to pull apart, blocks, simple jigsaws, toy cars, animals, and dolls.
• Provide opportunities for fun on playground equipment, such as slides and sand pits.
• Encourage their attempts to explore the world, but keep a firm eye on safety.

All children are different and develop at their own rate. If your toddler doesn’t do everything listed here, it may simply be because they are working on a different area of learning.

However, if your toddler seems very different from other children, or if you are worried about their development or it seems to go backwards, seek advice from a health professional.

Signs that could suggest a developmental problem include:

• Frequent tantrums.
• Doesn’t play with adults or older children, and doesn’t play imagination games.
• Is mostly “in their own world” rather than interacting with others.
• Can’t run smoothly, has a limp, or can’t safely climb stairs or onto low furniture.
• Is far more active or less active than other children the same age.
• Is not yet managing to feed themselves most of the time.
• Is not using words to let others know what they want, or is not talking clearly enough for their main caregiver to understand them some of the time.

If you are worried, talk to your child health nurse or doctor.

Where to get help#