Child development (7) - three to four years

Your three to four year old is moving out of babyhood into childhood. They are beginning to learn how to get on with others and can control their feelings better, although they are still likely to have the odd tantrum.

Your child is starting to understand social skills such as sharing and being kind, but they can only practise these skills for a short time, and only while they feel safe and happy.

Social and emotional development#

• Three year olds often enjoy being with other children and can now play together more.
• They are learning that other people are real and have real feelings.
• They may still have fears of noises, the dark, animals, monsters, and so on.
• They are developing a sense of humour and like to laugh at and repeat silly words and situations.
• They may still need a comforter, such as a dummy or favourite blanket, when tired or away from home.
• They can have very fixed ideas about what “boys” and “girls” are supposed to be like.
• They are starting to take responsibility for their own toileting, but may have accidents during the day and be wet at night.

Developing understanding#

Your child’s inner world is very powerful, and sometimes it is hard for them to tell “real” from “pretend”. When they mix the two up, they are not lying on purpose.

• They show some understanding of time and understand that night follows day.
• They now understand that parents can’t read their minds.
• By the age of four, they can probably draw a person.
• They still don’t really understand things like height and size.

Physical development#

This year, children delight in physical activity, and parental supervision is important. They are not very good at pacing themselves and will get tired and cranky if they aren’t offered enough quiet activities.

• Three year olds can roll and bounce a ball, but catching is still difficult.
• By four years, a child can hold a pencil correctly.
• During this year, they will learn to cut with scissors.

Language#

Three year olds talk in simple sentences, but they often stutter and stumble over their words.

• Some three year olds speak very clearly, while others still use some baby talk.
• They know a great many words, and their vocabulary grows quickly.
• They ask questions beginning with “what”, “who”, “where”, and “why”.
• They can talk about yesterday and tomorrow.

Child care and kindergarten#

The way your child responds to separation will vary greatly, depending on your personalities and life experiences. After an initial adjustment period, child care and kindergarten should feel like positive experiences for both you and your child. If they don’t, talk to the carers about your concerns.

Toileting#

Some children will be managing toileting early in this period and others will not. If you have had another baby, your child may regress for a short time in their efforts to toilet themselves. Don’t panic, but if there is tension between you over the issue, get support and advice from a health professional.

Supporting your child’s development#

Suggested activities include:

• Allow plenty of physical activity.
• Provide simple games with rules, so your child can learn the basics of cooperative play.
• Provide music, songs, picture and story books, and plenty of opportunities for drawing and painting.
• Choose any screen time, such as suitable programs or videos, with care.
• Give them lots of love, fun, approval, and encouragement.

All children are different and develop at their own rate. If your child doesn’t do everything listed here, it may simply be because they are working on a different area of learning.

However, if your child seems very different from other children, or if you are worried about their development or it seems to go backwards, seek advice from a health professional.

Signs that could suggest a developmental problem include:

• Doesn’t interact with other children or with adults through play.
• Is excessively aggressive or withdrawn with other children.
• Plays in repetitive, stereotyped ways.
• Is less physically capable than other children of the same age.
• Doesn’t become toilet trained and reliably dry during the day by the end of this year, or starts wetting again after becoming dry.
• Still speaks unclearly, is not talking in sentences, or is not talking during play.
• Is unable to follow verbal instructions.

If you are worried, talk to your child health nurse or doctor.

Where to get help#