Dealing with grief and loss

Grief and loss can arise not only from the death of someone close, but from many other losses in a person’s life. These include the loss of control and independence that can come with getting older, or no longer being able to do the things you once enjoyed. Some older people may feel they have lost their “voice” and no longer have a say in their day-to-day care and activities.

People living with dementia, and those who care for them, may also experience grief as the condition progresses. Others may feel the loss of all that is familiar when they move out of the family home and into residential care. Feelings of grief and loss can have a powerful effect on your physical health, your mental wellbeing, your finances and much more.

It is important to recognise that these feelings are completely normal. Grief does not follow a timeline, and you may feel it over a long period. With the support of family and friends, most people gradually find ways to live with their grief and loss.

For some people, it can also help to seek professional support, such as grief counselling. There are strategies and bereavement services that can help you manage these feelings.

Everyone experiences grief and loss differently#

You might feel teary, sad, angry, frustrated, confused, anxious or resentful. These can all be expressions and symptoms of grief and loss.

Sometimes feelings of grief can be so complicated and deeply rooted that you, and the people around you, do not recognise them for what they are.

Everyone grieves in their own way#

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, as long as you are not causing harm to yourself or others. Just as people experience grief differently, they also find different ways to cope with it. Some of the following strategies may help.

Allow yourself to cry#

Some people feel that crying is not appropriate; others are afraid that once they start, the tears will not stop. If you feel the need to cry, allow yourself to do so. If you can, try crying with someone else, but it is also fine to cry alone if you prefer. Crying is a normal human response to intense feelings, but not crying does not mean you are not grieving.

Spend some time alone#

If you feel the need, set aside some time alone each day to focus on your feelings and express them in whatever way feels natural. You might take time out to sit quietly in a garden or park, pray, cry, look through photographs or write in a journal.

Stay physically active#

For some people, physical activity is a way of releasing tension and easing the intensity of grief. If you are able, consider going for a walk, joining a walking group or taking part in a group exercise class.

Be kind to yourself#

Include activities you enjoy in your daily or weekly routine. Where you can, choose the things that bring you the greatest comfort.

Reach out for support#

Support can come from old and new friends, relatives, your doctor, a community health centre, a grief support group or a professional counsellor. It is also okay if you feel like being alone for a time.

If you ever feel distressed enough to want to hurt yourself or someone else, get professional help straight away.

Talking things through with someone can help#

Sometimes you may want to talk things through with someone you do not know. Telephone and online helplines can help you find ways to manage feelings of grief and loss, and many offer free, confidential support.

If you are in an emergency, are in danger, or have harmed yourself, call your local emergency number (for example 911 in the US and Canada, 112 across the EU and many countries, 999 in the UK, or 000 in Australia) for emergency services.

If you need immediate help, crisis support and counselling services are available. Some helplines offer round-the-clock crisis support and suicide prevention. Others provide specialist grief services for people coping after the death of someone close, including telephone, online and face-to-face counselling, and can connect you with local bereavement services.

Key points#

• It is important to acknowledge that these feelings are completely normal.
• Teariness, sadness, anger, confusion and anxiety can all be expressions and symptoms of grief and loss.
• There is no single right way to grieve, and different strategies help different people.
• If you feel distressed enough to harm yourself or others, seek crisis support straight away.

Where to get help#