Gay male sexuality

Many men report having had experiences with people of the same sex when they were young. This is often a normal part of exploring sexuality. Men who go on to describe themselves as ‘same-sex attracted’ or ‘gay’ have a strong physical and emotional attraction to other men that they do not usually feel for women.

There can be a lot of social pressure on young men to be heterosexual or ‘straight’. This can leave young men who are gay feeling isolated and afraid to express their sexuality.

Being gay is natural#

It is important to remember that there are gay men in every culture and every country. Being gay is simply one form of sexuality.

There is no clear explanation for why some men are gay and others are not. There is no right or wrong answer to the question, but one possibility suggested by researchers is that we are born with our sexual orientation. There is no test or questionnaire that can answer the question for you.

Knowing whether you are gay#

For some men, attraction to people of the same sex emerges when they are quite young and continues into adulthood. For others, these feelings do not start until later in life. Some men who are attracted to other men are also attracted to women; this is called bisexuality. You may also find that you do not identify with any label, and that is fine too.

If you think you might be gay, it helps to:

• not deny your feelings
• take your time to explore your sexuality and what being gay might mean to you
• remember that you are not alone

There are confidential services you can contact if you feel concerned or just want to talk things through.

Telling people you are gay#

Be prepared for both positive and negative reactions when you come out. For some people, coming out is a positive step. For others, it can feel like an unnecessary complication. There is no single right way to do it.

If you decide to tell someone, choose a time and place where you can speak openly and honestly, with no distractions around.

Knowing whether someone else is gay#

You probably will not know whether a man is gay until he tells you. There is no way to tell just by looking at someone. How a person dresses and behaves is about their personal identity, not their sexuality.

Gay relationships#

The main difference between gay and straight relationships is that there are two men rather than a man and a woman. Gay men fall in love and form committed relationships. Like all relationships, there will be good times and bad times. There are no fixed rules to follow; everyone is free to work out what suits them.

Safe sex#

Sex can be a big step for a young gay man. First, make sure you feel ready to become sexually active. You should not feel forced into it, and you should feel comfortable with your reasons for wanting to have sex. It is also worth thinking about how to do this in a safe and honest way.

Talk about HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmissible infections (STIs). Always use protection during sex and sex play to prevent contact with body fluids that could transmit an infection. The best protection against STIs is barrier protection, such as:

• condoms (latex-free versions are also available)
• dams (a thin piece of latex placed over the anal area during oral sex)
• lubricant used together with condoms

Condoms and lubricant can be bought from supermarkets, pharmacies and many other outlets, and barrier protection is often available free from sexual health clinics.

Finding more information#

There are anonymous telephone and online services where you can talk about your feelings, ask questions, and find out about support groups and social events. Visiting reputable websites and contacting recognised sexual health or LGBTQ support services are good ways to learn more and connect with others.

Key points#

• There is nothing wrong with feeling or being gay; gay men exist in every culture and country.
• Take your time to explore your sexuality, and remember you do not have to deal with your feelings alone.
• You cannot tell whether someone is gay just by looking at them.
• Make sure you feel ready before becoming sexually active, and always use barrier protection to reduce the risk of STIs.
• Confidential support services are available if you want to talk.

Where to get help#