Getting help for someone with a mental illness

Although there are different types of mental illness and symptoms, family members and friends of those affected share many similar experiences. There is a lot you can do to help your friend or relative get mental health support — but you need to look after yourself too.

If you or someone you are with needs urgent medical attention, call your local emergency number (for example 911 in the US and Canada, 112 across the EU and many countries, 999 in the UK, or 000 in Australia) for emergency services.

Getting help early#

Do not ignore warning signs of mental illness in a family member, friend or colleague. The sooner the person receives treatment, the better the outcome is likely to be.

Encourage the person to see a doctor for a mental health assessment. If they refuse to see a doctor, it can help to make an appointment with the doctor yourself to discuss your concerns and find out what can be done.

Being proactive#

Developing a positive attitude will help you provide better support. It will help if you:

• find out as much as you can about the mental illness, the treatment options and what mental health services are available in your area
• recognise and accept that symptoms may come and go and may vary in severity, so different levels of support will be needed at different times
• consider specialised training, such as mental health first aid, which can help you recognise the signs and symptoms quickly and respond the right way in a crisis
• develop a sense of balance between your own needs and the needs of the person you care for
• contact a support group for carers, or for relatives and friends of people with a mental illness

The distress of having a family member with a mental illness may lead to feelings of guilt, anger or shame. Acknowledging these feelings is the first step towards resolving them. It is important to understand that neither you nor the person with the mental illness is to blame for it.

Know your limits#

You should decide what level of support and care you are realistically able to provide. Explain this to your friend or relative, as well as to the mental health professionals involved in their treatment, such as the psychiatrist or case manager. This makes sure that the support you are unable to provide can be arranged in another way. You should also discuss options for future care with healthcare professionals and other family members and friends.

Talk to the doctor or case manager about what types of support are available. Some services can help the person with day-to-day life and may also offer respite care and other support for you.

Simple ways to help#

It is important to encourage a sense of structure in the life of a person severely affected by mental illness. You can develop plans to cope from day to day, such as:

• developing predictable routines — for example, regular times to get up and eat
• introducing gradual changes to prevent boredom
• breaking tasks into small steps — for example, discussing what steps would help with daily self-care
• trying to overcome a lack of motivation — for example, encouraging and including the person in activities
• supporting the person to make decisions, even when it is difficult for them; they may keep changing their mind, but try to resist the temptation to make the decision for them

Dealing with disturbed behaviour#

It can be difficult to know how to cope when a family member or friend’s behaviour becomes extreme. It is a good idea to discuss strategies with the person, and to contact healthcare professionals for advice and support.

Aggressive or violent behaviour may be associated with psychotic symptoms or with alcohol or drug use. In these situations, it is best to involve healthcare professionals immediately. For aggressive behaviour associated with extreme stress, try to create an atmosphere that is open and relaxed.

If someone is aggressive, violent or threatening violence, report it to the treating healthcare professionals — and the police — immediately. If you live with someone who is aggressive or violent, consider ways you can live apart, as this will very likely work out better for both of you.

Drug and alcohol use#

Alcohol and other drug use can contribute to the development or worsening of mental health issues. If a family member or friend’s use is of concern, contact a drug and alcohol advisory service for confidential advice.

Self-harm#

Self-harm is when a person deliberately injures themselves to cope with strong feelings such as anger, despair or self-hatred. Someone who self-harms may injure themselves in a variety of ways, such as cutting, burning or biting. If someone you are with has self-harmed and needs medical attention, get treatment from a doctor or at your local hospital’s emergency department.

Suicidal thoughts#

If someone close to you is having suicidal thoughts, talk to them about how they are feeling and why they might be having these thoughts. You can suggest things to distract them. However, if the thoughts persist — especially if the person experiences voices that suggest suicide — inform their doctor immediately.

Manipulative behaviour#

Dealing with manipulative behaviour can be emotional and confusing. If someone with a mental illness is behaving manipulatively — such as telling untrue stories about being mistreated by those who care for them — try to establish whether the behaviour is being used to get extra help and support. It is a good idea to involve the person in activities that will make them feel less resentful towards others. Always check out the stories before you react.

When mental illness affects the family#

One person’s mental illness can affect everyone around them, from friends and family to colleagues and healthcare professionals. It is important to know that help is available if you need support and advice.

Parents. Dealing with your child’s mental illness can be very distressing, and it is often hard to know the best approach. Many parenting services and helplines offer advice, information and resources about children’s and teenagers’ mental health.

Brothers and sisters. Siblings can be a great source of support for someone living with mental illness. If your sibling has a mental illness, you can help by:

• talking honestly about your feelings and encouraging others in the family to do the same
• being active in improving mental health services, for example through local support groups
• avoiding making the person with mental illness the centre around which the whole family revolves
• maintaining your focus on living and enjoying your own life

If you need to talk to someone, start with family and friends. If you would rather speak to someone you do not know well, try a school counsellor or your local doctor.

Key points#

• The sooner the person receives treatment, the better the outcome is likely to be.
• Mental health first aid can help you recognise signs and symptoms quickly and respond the right way in a crisis.
• It is important to understand that neither you nor the person with the mental illness is to blame for it.
• It is important to encourage a sense of structure in the life of a person severely affected by mental illness.
• Aggressive or violent behaviour may be associated with psychotic symptoms, or with alcohol or drug use.