Grief and children

Children can experience grief and loss from a very young age. Like adults, they have their own ways of grieving. It is important to recognise that your child has feelings of grief and to help them express those feelings.

Talking to children about loss and grief#

While it can be hard to talk to a child about death, it is important to be honest and to help them understand what has happened. Some suggestions include:

• Tell the truth in a simple, direct way.
• Use concrete words that children understand. For example, say “died” rather than “passed away”.
• If the child is quite young, use pictures, storybooks, toys and play to explain what has happened and how they feel.
• Explore with the child the meaning they may make of the situation, including any spiritual and cultural beliefs and practices.

Children are curious, so be prepared for regular and repeated questions. Be clear and honest in your responses. If you are too distressed to answer a question, ask another adult that you and the child trust to talk with them.

Don’t pretend that you are not sad. Expressing your own feelings can help your child feel able to express theirs.

Children’s reactions to loss and grief#

Like adults, children can be deeply affected by loss and grief, and everyone grieves in their own way. Common reactions in children may include:

• grieving in doses, for example crying one minute and playing the next
• acting out feelings rather than talking about them
• changes in eating, sleeping and behaviour patterns
• wanting to sleep in an adult’s bed
• showing younger behaviours, such as wetting the bed or thumb sucking
• being angry, frustrated and restless
• lacking concentration and energy at school

Even at a very young age, children can sense when their parents or other adults are sad or struggling with a situation. Sharing your sadness with a child can help them understand why you are sad and show them that it is alright to feel and express sadness.

Death can also make children worry about their parents, or themselves, dying. Reassure them that the people around them are safe, and make sure they feel cared for during times of grief.

Sharing grief with children#

It is important to stay open and willing to talk about the different experiences of loss and grief. As children grow and develop, they will have different reactions over time. A child who does not react to or talk about a death or significant loss in the early stages may want to talk about it later, or may show their feelings through play rather than conversation.

Key points#

• It is important to recognise that your child has feelings of grief and to help them express those feelings.
• Death can cause children to worry about their parents or themselves dying.
• Stay open and willing to talk about the various experiences of loss and grief.
• If a child or family member is in crisis or thinking about suicide, seek help from a crisis support or suicide prevention service straight away.

Where to get help#