Helping your child with mental illness

When a child or teenager has a mental health problem, they usually find it hard to manage their emotions, thoughts or behaviour, and this can affect the whole family.

Mental health problems in children can show up as disruptive, angry or hyperactive behaviour, where the child seems constantly on the go. They can also show up as withdrawal, worry and strong emotional reactions. A child who is struggling may also seem fidgety, find it hard to stay seated, run about or climb at the wrong times, find it hard to play quietly, or talk a great deal. These changes can affect your child’s ability to communicate, learn and form relationships.

Recognising that your child has a mental health problem and seeking professional support are important first steps. Early support from health professionals can help your whole family.

Keeping a diary of your child’s behaviour#

The more you can tell a health professional, the better picture they will have of what your child is going through. If possible, before your appointment, keep a diary for a week or two describing your child’s behaviour and when and where it happens. Your diary could note:

• the features of the change in behaviour that concern you
• any patterns to the behaviour
• how often the behaviour occurs
• how long it usually lasts before it stops
• the time of day it happens
• what was happening before the behaviour began
• what happened afterwards

It can also help to record what you think your child is feeling at the time and how they communicate it.

Seeking professional advice and support#

A good first person to talk to is your doctor. If you have written down the behaviours that worry you, share this so your doctor can make suggestions or refer you to other professionals. If you do not have a regular doctor, you can contact a general practice and ask to speak with a doctor who understands mental health. In many places you can also speak with a health professional remotely through a telehealth service.

You could also make an appointment with a child psychologist, who can advise on how your approach to the behaviour can support your child and how you and your family can cope with it. For more serious mental illness, you might be referred to a child and adolescent psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are specialist medical doctors who can check your child for any medical conditions, prescribe medication and, if needed, arrange hospital care.

Creating a supportive environment for your child#

How you support your child will depend on you, on what your child is experiencing, and on advice from your mental health professional. Alongside any specific treatments and therapies, you can create a supportive environment by:

• encouraging your child’s strengths
• spending time with your child doing enjoyable activities
• keeping to routines as much as possible, such as bedtimes and mealtimes
• regularly asking your child how they are
• acknowledging and respecting your child’s feelings
• listening to your child’s concerns
• speaking with your child’s school or childcare centre

Looking after yourself#

Caring for a child with a mental illness can be exhausting. It is important to look after yourself so you can give your family the best possible care. Parents in this situation often have a real need for support, both with their own stress and with family relationships. You do not have to face the challenges alone. Some ideas to consider include:

• taking time for yourself, perhaps arranging a break with your partner or a trusted friend
• getting professional support, such as counselling or a parenting skills course
• working through any feelings of guilt, where counselling can be very helpful
• managing anxiety and stress, for example through relaxation and meditation

It may be time to seek professional support if you are feeling overwhelmed by fatigue, grief, guilt, fear or anxiety. If your child is in immediate danger or talking about harming themselves, seek urgent help straight away by contacting local emergency services or a crisis support line in your area.

Where to get help#