Looking after yourself as a carer

When you care for a loved one with a life-limiting illness, it is important to look after your own health and wellbeing. This helps you to have the energy and strength your caring role requires, and support is available to help you and your family through difficult times.

Make time for yourself#

Try to keep doing the activities you enjoy outside of your caring role. Taking regular breaks will help you avoid becoming worn out, so do something for yourself every day.

Don’t feel guilty about caring for yourself. Many people receiving care feel better knowing their carers are taking time for rest and enjoyment. You may not be able to take away all the stress, but small steps to look after yourself will help.

It is easy to put your own needs last, but if you are feeling tired or stressed it is important to look after yourself, so that you can keep caring for the person who needs you most.

Keep active#

• Do something physical, such as a walk or some gentle stretching.
• Try an exercise you enjoy, which will help you maintain your energy.

Get enough sleep#

Carers often have trouble sleeping. A few simple habits can help:

• Limit coffee and alcohol, especially later in the day.
• Try relaxing before bed with a warm bath, a herbal tea or soothing music.
• If you can’t fall asleep after about 20 minutes, get up and do something else, then try again.
• Take a brief rest during the day if your night’s sleep is disturbed.

If you regularly find it difficult to sleep, speak with your nurse or doctor.

Eat well#

Eating well can be hard, especially if your appetite is poor. But you need your strength, so try to eat a balanced diet, and remember to treat yourself sometimes with food you enjoy.

Look after your emotional health#

The emotional demands of caring for someone with a life-limiting illness can be high. Looking after your own emotional needs helps you continue your caring role and maintain your resilience.

Try to keep up social contact with friends and your usual activities as much as possible. Maintaining a religious or spiritual practice, whether through meditation, yoga, prayer or talking with a pastoral worker, can also help.

If a situation seems hopeless, some people find it helpful to hope for small things. You may not be able to hope for a cure, for example, but you can hope your loved one has a good day today.

Friends and family can offer significant support, but you may also find it helpful to speak with a healthcare professional such as a counsellor. Someone without an emotional connection to you or the person you care for can often help you see things more clearly. A counsellor can suggest ways to balance your caring role with your own needs, manage relationships and keep lines of communication open.

A good first step is to speak with your doctor, who may refer you to a specialist counselling service if needed.

Accept help and use respite services#

Carers often say they did not seek help for themselves because their loved one’s needs felt more important, or because they thought the care team was too busy. Remember that you are an important part of the care team, and your wellbeing is vital to being able to provide support. Don’t be afraid to ask the care team for help.

Carer support and respite services can help you take a break. Ask your care service about your options:

• A trained volunteer could stay with your loved one while you take a short break.
• If you need a longer break, the person you care for could go into respite care so you can rest and recover.

If you feel distressed, frustrated, guilty, exhausted or annoyed, these feelings are normal. If your role feels overwhelming, it may help to discuss your feelings with your doctor or a counsellor.

More ideas that may help#

• Take one day at a time. Thinking about the future is normal, but try to focus on the challenges of caring just one day at a time.
• List the people who can help. A list of friends or relatives can show how many others you can call on. If no one is available, ask the care team about extra help or volunteers.
• Keep a diary of issues. This helps you track concerns and acts as a reminder for family meetings or when others ask for information.
• Ask friends or relatives to prepare meals. People are often willing to help; if that isn’t possible, consider a meal home-delivery service.
• Ask a friend to stay overnight. This may help you get a good night’s sleep and provide extra company.
• Discuss flexible work options with your employer. Many employers offer flexible arrangements, so talk to them about what is possible.
• Get help with household chores. Ask a relative, or consider a local home-help service.
• Set up a roster. If more than one person is providing care, sharing the load through a roster can help.
• Send regular updates. A regular email to friends and relatives keeps people informed and reduces the number of phone calls you need to make.
• Give yourself regular rewards. Take a break and do something special that lifts your spirits.

Key points#

• When caring for a loved one with a life-limiting illness, it is important to look after your own health and wellbeing.
• Keep doing the activities you enjoy outside of your caring role.
• Staying active will help you maintain your energy.
• Try to maintain social contact with friends and keep up your usual activities as much as possible.
• As a carer, it is important to look after your own emotional needs and to accept help when it is offered.

Where to get help#