Relationship support services

Every couple hopes for a successful and rewarding relationship, but going through periods of difficulty and challenge is a normal part of sharing your life with someone. How we handle these challenges affects our relationships in both the short and long term. Sometimes it is hard to talk to your partner about a problem, and you may need some outside help to resolve it and keep your relationship healthy and strong.

The key is to get in early. Prevention is always better than cure, and the sooner you act on a problem, the easier it usually is to resolve.

Signs a relationship may need support#

Being aware of the early warning signs of relationship breakdown, and being prepared to act, can help you resolve conflict. Early warning signs include:

• no longer doing things together, or living parallel lives
• recurring arguments that are never resolved
• feeling dissatisfied and unhappy
• being preoccupied with interests outside the relationship, leaving one partner feeling neglected
• complaining of a loss of feelings for each other
• feeling tired and less able to meet responsibilities at work
• arguments over money, parenting or family issues
• becoming emotionally or sexually involved with someone outside the relationship, where this is not an agreed part of your relationship

When a relationship is unhealthy or abusive#

Some relationships involve violence, controlling behaviour and abuse. Warning signs that a relationship is becoming unhealthy or abusive include:

• Jealousy and controlling behaviour – your partner questions who you are talking to, accuses you of flirting or spending too much time with others, frequently calls or drops by to check on you, tracks your movements, or controls finances, decision-making and whom you can see and speak to.
• Unrealistic expectations – your partner expects you to meet all their needs and to take care of everything emotionally and domestically.
• Contempt – your partner acts as though they are better than you, constantly putting you down or ridiculing you in private or in front of others.
• Blame – you are blamed for any problems that occur, or for making your partner feel a certain way.
• Verbal abuse – cruel and hurtful comments, shouting, and degrading you and your accomplishments.
• Threats of violence – your partner threatens physical force in order to control you.
• Physical violence – any physical harm, including pushing, hitting, punching, biting, strangulation or any other form of violence.

If you recognise any of these signs, please seek support immediately. If you experience any form of violence, get help straight away.

Types of support and assistance available#

A variety of relationship support services are available through specialist counselling agencies and private providers, including:

• Counsellors – can help you work out what the problems are and identify ways to mend your relationship. Counselling also helps people who are separating to deal with grief and anger and move on with their lives.
• Family mediators – help when couples have decided to separate, supporting them to make choices and plans about children, property and finances, talk to each other, and reach mutually satisfactory agreements.
• Sexual advice services – specialist counselling for people who wish to address sexual concerns.
• Relationship check-up services – help couples explore and strengthen their relationship and prepare for the future together, for example through pre-marriage and pre-parenthood courses.
• Relationship skills courses – courses and seminars to help people learn relationship skills, find support and share experiences with others, aimed at couples planning to marry or live together as well as those in established relationships.
• Parenting skills courses – family skills courses for parents of young children and teenagers, designed to improve family life and help parents feel more confident.
• Telephone counselling – phone-based counselling for people who are isolated geographically or by physical or other circumstances.
• Online counselling – a range of methods that provide convenient access without attending a service in person, such as real-time web chat, video counselling, email with a counsellor, web seminars, information courses and interactive websites. Most agencies have a website that outlines their services and contact details.

Support around violence, separation and life changes#

• Family violence interventions – assistance to secure the safety of people experiencing family violence, including contacting emergency services for police intervention and support.
• Counselling for couples at risk of violence, and therapy for people who are abusive or violent in their relationships.
• Separation courses – help people who have separated to move forward, and help children deal with their feelings and experiences when their parents separate.
• Lifestyle transition courses – aimed at different life stages, such as caring for your relationship when you become a parent, leaving the workforce, or reconnecting after children have left home.
• Stepfamily support – family counsellors can help people adjust to living as a stepfamily.
• Gambling support services – free, confidential counselling for people affected by problem gambling, their partners and family members, available individually or in groups.
• Alcohol and other drug support services – free, confidential counselling for people with alcohol or other drug problems and their partners and family members.
• Counselling provided by employers – some organisations offer programs for employees whose personal problems are interfering with their work, covering a range of services depending on the needs of the employee and their family.
• Children’s contact services – provide safe and positive contact arrangements for children whose parents are separated.

Getting professional help#

If your relationship is showing some of the early warning signs, it is time to seek advice. The sooner you act, the easier problems are usually to resolve.

Confidential counselling and support services are available for people of all ages and backgrounds. If you or someone you care about is affected by violence or abuse, do not wait. Help is available.

Key points#

• Periods of difficulty are a normal part of any relationship, and outside help can keep it healthy.
• Acting early on the warning signs makes problems easier to resolve.
• Jealousy, control, contempt, blame, verbal abuse, threats and physical violence are signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship.
• If you experience any form of violence, seek help immediately.
• A wide range of counselling, mediation, skills and support services is available, including by phone and online.

Where to get help#