Relationships, family and mental health

When you, your partner or someone in your family has a mental illness, it can cause stress and worry for everyone. Mental illness affects people, couples and families in different ways, but there is information and help available to support your family.

How mental illness can affect couples#

Many relationships have their ups and downs, but when one or both partners are experiencing mental health problems, this can add extra challenges. Living day to day with a mental illness, or with a partner who has one, can affect a relationship in many ways.

While some conflict is a normal part of a healthy relationship, if you find you are arguing more often than usual, it may help to seek support and guidance through counselling or other relationship support services, such as courses. Relationship support services can also help people who are isolated geographically or by other circumstances.

Violence in a relationship is never acceptable. If you or your children are at risk, seek help straight away.

Relationship break-ups and mental illness#

It is always sad and stressful when a couple separates, and when one or both partners has a mental illness it can be even harder.

If you are worried about your own mental health during a break-up, the best place to start is by taking care of yourself. Are you getting enough sleep, eating well and drinking enough water? Try to be active every day, even if it is just going for a walk, and talk to trusted friends and family about your worries.

You can also talk to your doctor. Tell them you are concerned about how the break-up is affecting, or might affect, your wellbeing and your ability to work or care for yourself or your children. A counselling session or two can really help you clarify things.

How mental illness can affect families#

When you or someone in your family has a mental illness, it can affect everyone. Some illnesses cause big changes to a family’s routines, activities and finances, and different family members will react in different ways.

There are training courses for people caring for or living with a family member who has a mental illness. These courses have a good track record of helping the whole family. They are not just about how to care for the person who is unwell, but also about how to manage your own health and stress levels. Ask your doctor about local or online courses.

Parenting while experiencing mental illness#

Parenting can be challenging as well as rewarding. If you or your partner has a mental illness, it can add to the challenges your family faces.

Support services for parents can help with things like settling your baby to sleep, feeding, managing behaviour, and looking after your own health and wellbeing. If your children are very young, ask your doctor about early parenting support in your area. If your children are older, your healthcare team can point you towards services that might suit your family. Ask your doctor, counsellor, nurse or another health professional where to get support.

Making a crisis plan#

It is a good idea to have a plan ready in case you or someone in your family experiences a sudden or rapid decline in their mental health.

• Make a list of people you can call for support.
• Make sure the people who support you also have each other’s contact details.
• If your children are old enough to use the phone, keep the numbers somewhere they can find them.
• Talk with your children about what a crisis might look like, and let them know they can call someone they trust whenever they feel worried, about you or about themselves.

Parenting a child or young person experiencing mental illness#

Mental illness often first appears in someone’s teens or early twenties, so it is common for a person to still be living with their parents when symptoms emerge. The most common mental illnesses are anxiety disorders and depression.

Parent-child relationships can be complex, and caring for a child who is experiencing mental illness can be difficult at times. It is important to balance caring for them with allowing them to take charge of their own healthcare.

It is also important to look after yourself: take time out regularly, get enough sleep, eat well and stay active. You can support others much better when you are healthy and rested.

You may find that your child’s mental health needs are beyond what you can manage on your own. If so, speak with your doctor or your child’s case worker about more intensive treatment and support options. There are also online counselling and information services set up specifically for young people, which provide tools, information and support for young people experiencing anxiety, depression or other mental illnesses.

Support for family carers#

If you spend a lot of time caring for a family member who is experiencing mental illness, you or someone in your family may be eligible for financial support or carer payments. Check the eligibility requirements with the relevant support agency in your area. Carer organisations and respite services can also provide information and practical help.

Family violence and mental illness#

Mental illness very rarely leads a person to become violent. However, having someone you love behave violently towards you or your family will always harm your mental health, and it is not uncommon for people who experience violence at home to develop depression.

Family or domestic violence is most often carried out by men towards women, so support services for family violence are mainly aimed at women and their children. There is also help for men who experience family violence from a partner, whether male or female. If you are affected, a good place to start is your doctor or a family violence support service.

Key points#

• When you, your partner or someone in your family has a mental illness, it can cause stress and worry for everyone.
• Some illnesses can cause big changes to a family’s routines, activities and finances.
• The most common mental illnesses are anxiety disorders and depression.
• It is not uncommon for people who experience violence at home to develop depression, and support is available.

Where to get help#