Self-care and support for parents and caregivers of young children (14)

Early childhood is an exciting, happy and rewarding time of life. It can also be stressful, exhausting and worrying. Having young children often brings up a mix of emotions and challenges for parents and caregivers.

It can feel as though all of your energy is focused on your child, and it is easy to forget to look after yourself. Even when time is short, it is important to take care of you. When you are happy and healthy, you are better able to be a good parent or partner.

This is sometimes called self-care. There are many strategies you can use to stay in good physical and mental health. You can practise self-care at any time, such as when your child is asleep or being cared for by a trusted friend or family member. These are not a to-do list. They are simply practical things you can do to improve your wellbeing.

How to get enough sleep#

If you are having trouble sleeping or not getting enough sleep, try these suggestions:

• Go to bed at about the same time each day.
• Avoid exercise just before bed.
• Make the bedroom as restful as possible.
• Avoid screen time or other stimulating activities just before bed.
• Avoid caffeine or other stimulants in the evening.
• Try a warm bath or shower a couple of hours before bed to help your body temperature settle for sleep.
• Avoid napping in the evening.
• If you cannot sleep, get up and do something quiet in another room.

A short nap of around 20 minutes during the day can improve alertness and help you make better decisions.

Make time for physical activity#

Regular physical activity is important for your overall health and wellbeing. It improves fitness, helps you maintain a healthy weight, and reduces your risk of many chronic diseases.

If you are not sure how to start, or find it hard to make the time:

• Set achievable goals based on your circumstances, your previous activity levels and your physical health (especially if you are recovering from birth).
• Schedule activity into your day.
• If it is hard to find time alone, take a short walk in the morning with your child in a pram.
• Remember that gentler activities count too, such as breathing exercises, meditation or yoga.

Fresh air and sunshine can also lift your mood. If you have pain or are recovering from birth, a physiotherapist can help with assessment, treatment and strengthening exercises.

Look after your dietary needs#

Many parents and caregivers of young children struggle to find the time to cook, stay hydrated and eat well. Suggestions include:

• Have small, regular meals and snacks, and keep water handy.
• Set manageable goals for your family.
• Allow for something simple, such as toasted sandwiches or eggs on toast, on difficult days.

Make friends and connect with others#

New and existing social networks can help new parents feel connected to other adults. Some ways to build and maintain them include:

• joining a first-time parent group
• joining a playgroup
• going to free local activities, such as story time at the library
• using social media, such as supportive online parent communities

Be kind to yourself#

It is okay to feel frustrated or scared sometimes. It can help to:

• write in a diary or journal
• talk to your partner, a close friend or a family member if you are able to
• write a list of things you are grateful for or proud of each day

Take some time out#

Parents and caregivers need a break from caring from time to time. This also lets another person have one-on-one time with the baby. Ideas for time out include:

• setting aside a regular time for an activity each week
• doing an enjoyable hobby or craft
• having a relaxing bath
• going for a walk
• going shopping
• reading a book or magazine
• watching a film
• catching up with friends
• having a massage

You will usually get the most benefit from time out if the rest of the family is out of the house.

Seek support for your mental health#

Look after your mental health as well as your physical health:

• Be aware of, and informed about, common mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression that may occur during pregnancy or after having a baby.
• Talk about any concerns with family or friends if you feel comfortable.
• Talk to your maternal and child health nurse, or call a parent or child health helpline.
• Talk to your doctor.
• See a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or counsellor.

Relationships and becoming a parent#

Becoming a parent can strengthen the bond with your partner, but it also brings new challenges. Relationship issues can include:

• difficulties adapting to parenthood, such as disagreements about gender roles and society’s expectations of mothers and fathers
• dividing up household chores and childcare
• a reduction in relationship equality, sex and intimacy
• an increase in conflict

It can help to speak to your maternal and child health nurse, doctor or a counsellor. If you need relationship advice and support, there are organisations that offer relationship counselling.

Support for dads#

Parenting does not come easily for most of us, and many fathers find becoming a new parent challenging. You are adjusting to a new role, your relationship has changed, and it can be hard to communicate or find intimacy with your partner after the arrival of a new baby. You may also be unsure how to bond with your baby.

There are organisations and resources for fathers that focus on the role of dads, the relationship between a father and their partner, and the bond between a father and their child.

Postnatal mental health#

Some mothers experience anxiety and depression after the birth of their baby. Fathers and non-birth parents are also at risk, particularly if their partner has a mental health condition. Around one in six mothers and one in ten fathers experience postnatal depression, and around one in five women experience postnatal anxiety in the first year after birth.

If you are experiencing anxiety or depression, you are not alone. Talk to your maternal and child health nurse or doctor as soon as possible, or contact a mental health service.

Reducing your risk#

Some factors may reduce the risk of postnatal depression, including:

• having strong support networks, including family, friends and connections with other new parents
• having a positive sense of identity and cultural heritage
• being physically healthy and able to take care of yourself, including exercising, eating well and reducing stress where possible
• having someone you can call or share your experiences with
• having good problem-solving skills
• being optimistic and believing that life has meaning and hope
• having a positive attitude to seeking support, and access to support services

Risk factors#

It is not known exactly what causes postnatal depression, but you may be more at risk if you have:

• a personal or family history of mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety
• a history of abuse (physical, sexual or emotional)
• increased current life stresses, such as moving house, relationship difficulties or a baby with special care needs
• a lack of practical, social or emotional support
• problems with alcohol or other drugs
• an anxious or perfectionist personality

Common postnatal mental health conditions#

There are several common postnatal mental health conditions, and people may also experience symptoms not listed here.

• Baby blues is a common emotional response in the first few days after birth. Around 80 per cent of women experience it, with signs such as being teary, irritable or overly sensitive, fatigue and frequent mood changes. It usually passes within a few days without treatment. If the symptoms do not go away, it could be a sign of depression or anxiety.
• Postnatal depression can develop any time in the first year after birth, usually due to a combination of factors. Signs can include low self-esteem, feeling inadequate or guilty, negative thoughts, feeling that life is meaningless or that you cannot cope, tearfulness or irritability, difficulty sleeping, low sex drive, difficulty concentrating, and changes in appetite.
• Perinatal and postnatal anxiety often occurs together with depression. Signs can include worrying thoughts that take over your thinking, feeling irritable, restless or constantly on edge, a racing heart or panic attacks, being unable to sleep even when you have the chance, and avoiding situations because you fear something bad will happen.

Some people experience more serious conditions during pregnancy or after birth, such as postpartum psychosis or bipolar disorder. A previous mental health history or other risk factors, including major life stressors, trauma or isolation, can increase the risk of developing, relapsing or worsening a condition. If you or someone you care for is severely unwell, seek urgent help.

Where to get mental health support#

Support is available from many sources, including:

• your maternal and child health nurse or a child health line
• your doctor, who can help you access a mental health care plan if needed
• your midwife or obstetrician
• early parenting services and mother-baby units
• relationship counsellors
• community-based playgroups and support groups
• telephone helplines and online treatment programs for perinatal anxiety and depression

If urgent support is required, contact your local emergency department or mental health crisis service.

Key points#

• Even when time is short, it is important to take care of yourself, because you can support others better when you are healthy and rested.
• Regular physical activity improves fitness, helps you maintain a healthy weight and reduces your risk of many chronic diseases.
• Sleep, healthy eating, social connection and time out all support your wellbeing.
• Postnatal anxiety and depression are common and treatable. Talk to your nurse or doctor, or contact a mental health service, if you are struggling.

Where to get help#