Trauma and children - two to five years

Preschool age children can be seriously affected by trauma, just like older children and adults. Life-threatening or frightening events, such as a car accident, a sudden illness, a traumatic death in the family, crime, abuse or violence in the community, can all cause trauma.

A preschooler’s language is still developing, and they may not yet have the words to describe what they feel. Because of this, it is important to look for other clues in their behavior and in the way they play to understand whether an event has affected them.

Preschoolers may not understand exactly what has gone wrong, but they are very sensitive to things not being right. A child’s response to a distressing or frightening experience depends on their age, stage of development and personality, as well as on how the crisis has affected their parents, primary carers or other important people in their lives.

Your child may not react in the ways you expect.

Common reactions to trauma in preschoolers#

Children’s responses to trauma vary, but common reactions include:

• new or increased clingy behavior, such as following a parent around the house
• slipping back (regressing) to an earlier stage, for example with toileting or sleeping
• mood changes, seeming to enjoy daily routines less, or seeming more ‘shut down’ and withdrawn
• becoming fearful that the trauma will happen again, or fearful of other things they did not fear before, such as dogs, strangers or being apart from caregivers
• blaming themselves, as small children often misunderstand events and may think the trauma was somehow their fault
• becoming more aggressive toward parents or playmates, or being more jumpy and easily startled
• developing new fears, having more nightmares, or returning again and again to the frightening event in conversation, play or drawings
• not seeming reassured when you talk about the event, and asking about it over and over
• more physical complaints with no clear cause, such as tummy ache, headache or tiredness

What parents and carers can do to help#

There are a number of things you can do to support your preschool age child during and after a traumatic event.

• Seek, accept and build up support for yourself so you can manage your own shock and emotional responses. Coping yourself makes it easier to help your child.
• Listen to and tolerate your child’s retelling of the event.
• Reassure your child that the event is over and that they are safe. You may need to do this over and over again.
• Ask what they are thinking about the event. Their worries are often based on limited understanding or mistaken ideas, which you can gently correct.
• Explain how they were kept safe, and what you have learned so you can protect them in future.
• Respect your child’s fears and give them time to learn to cope with them.

Acknowledge and validate your child’s concerns#

Protect your child from being re-exposed to frightening situations and reminders of the trauma. These may include television programs, stories or movies, as well as visiting or seeing pictures of the place where it happened.

Accept and help your child to name strong feelings during short conversations, but remember that a child of this age cannot talk about these feelings or the experience for long.

Expect some difficult or uncharacteristic behavior#

Expect that your child may act in a more babyish way. You may need to make allowances for this and be flexible about everyday household rules. ‘Regressing’ to an earlier stage can be very helpful, allowing the child to be cared for and to regain confidence and a sense of safety.

Children of preschool age develop skills at different rates, and some skills are learned earlier than others. Trauma can slow this down or get in the way of learning new things, and it can also cause marked changes in behavior.

When to seek help#

Parents and carers should seek help if:

• you are not coping yourself, which makes it harder to support your child, so you may both need help
• the family is struggling to re-establish any kind of routine or predictable pattern in the household
• you are concerned or unsure about how your child is coping
• your child has many symptoms and things are not settling
• the household has experienced a significant loss and the community around the child is disrupted
• several family members are affected and there does not seem to be enough attention to go around

If at any time you are worried about your own mental health or the mental health of a loved one, contact a doctor or a telephone counseling service. General telephone counseling and health advice services can offer support and guidance.

Where to get help#