Trauma and primary school age children

For children, as for adults, a distressing or frightening experience can challenge their sense of security and the predictability of their world. Such events can include life-threatening car accidents, sudden illness, traumatic death in the family, crime, abuse or violence. Children’s responses to these experiences depend on their age and stage of development, and the impact on their parents or significant others including siblings, friends or carers.

It’s a natural reaction to want to shield children from harsh realities.

However, keeping a child ‘in the dark’ doesn’t protect them from the emotional impact of a distressing or frightening event. It may even make it worse for them as children are keen observers and will realize that something is wrong, even if no one in the family talks to them about it.

If a child hasn’t been given the facts they need, they will fill in the blanks from previous knowledge or experience or from their imagination. Since children are naturally self-centerd, they may assume the tragedy was somehow their fault, for example, a child may think that God sent a bushfire to punish them for disobedience.

In some cases, the child’s construction of the events may be far scarier than what actually happened.

Every child reacts differently and typical reactions change with age. Your child may not react the way you expect. Depending on their age and stage, they may not have acquired the skills to articulate their thoughts and feelings to those around them.

Depending on their level of distress, they may not know how to communicate and find words to express their thoughts and feelings to those around them. Sometimes, distress reactions surface weeks or even months after the event. Common reactions include:

• such as not wanting to go to bed at night or difficulties getting to sleep
• staying asleep
• staying in their own bed
• with Going back to behaviors from earlier developmental stages – becoming more ‘babyish’
• attention seeking Withdrawal – for example
• the child may not want to discuss their thoughts or feelings in case it upsets their parents or carers
• or they may spend more time alone
• perhaps in front of the TV or computer to stop their thoughts

Children look to their parents and carers to gain understanding of a situation and find appropriate ways to deal with it. General suggestions include:

• Give your child the facts about what happened
• using age-appropriate language. Make sure you explain why adults did what they did
• how they kept children safe
• what they have learned
• will do next time

Assist your child to play or talk about their thoughts and feelings. This also helps you to gauge whether or not they understand what actually happened or whether they have another understanding. Allow your child to express their feelings to the person of their choosing and in whichever way they need to.

Demanding that they do what you want will lead to friction and misunderstandings. Reassure them that their feelings are normal and they will get back to normal in time. Tell them how you’re feeling too so they can understand your responses, but don’t ‘overload’ or burden them with the too much detail.

You may need to explain adult reactions to stress.

For example, your child may feel distressed by a crying parent or carer unless they know the reason for the upset and that the adult can handle being sad. Keep up regular household routines, if possible.

Make time for pleasurable family activities#

Regularly hang out with the children and just give them your full attention and see what flows from that. Remember that your child’s distress reactions are usually short-lived. It may help to seek professional advice if: The family as a unit is finding it difficult to cope with the impacts and demands of the events and the follow-on The child’s reactions, changed patterns and behaviors are intense, do not settle in a week or two or become worse, or if new ones develop You are finding it a struggle to manage your reactions to the situation in your child, your family or yourself.

If at any time you are worried about your mental health or the mental health of a loved one, call Lifeline on.

General telephone counseling services can provide advice:#

Children will ‘fill in the blanks’ Children’s reactions change with age Physical reactions – children often react to distressing or frightening events in physical ways Sleep problems nightmares Changes in eating habits Becoming more clingy, demanding or difficult Not being able to take the same level of responsibility as before the event Fear at being separated from their parents or carers Changes in their relationships with siblings, such as becoming more competitive or aggressive Needing to ‘relive’ the trauma, for example, they may draw pictures of it or act it out Unexplained physical ailments, such as headaches and stomach aches Not wanting to go to school Behavioral problems at school Drop in academic performance Cannot cope with social or sporting events What parents and carers can do When to seek professional help The child talks about harming themselves or tries to harm themselves You are worried about your child or their wellbeing or do not understand their reactions

Where to get help#