What is family violence?

Family violence covers a range of behaviours used by one person to control a family member through fear. It can include physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional or psychological abuse, deliberately damaging property, economic control, and any other behaviour that makes a family member fear for their own safety or the safety of another person or an animal. Threatening to do any of these things is also family violence.

Family violence also occurs when a child hears, sees or is exposed to violence in the home. In many places the law then protects that child as well as the family member who was directly harmed.

Anyone can be affected by family violence, regardless of their age, gender, sexual identity, cultural background, ability, religion, wealth, status or location.

You are not alone. If you are affected by family violence, help and support are available.

Physical abuse#

Physical abuse is when someone uses physical force against another person in a way that injures them or puts them at risk of injury. It ranges from restraint to murder, and can include:

• grabbing, pinching or shoving
• slapping, hitting or biting
• arm-twisting, kicking or stabbing
• pushing, throwing, punching or beating
• tripping, bruising, choking or shaking
• holding or restraining a person against their will
• breaking bones
• assaulting a person with a weapon
• stopping a person from getting what they need for their health, such as medication, medical care or hygiene assistance
• forcing a person to drink alcohol or take drugs

Psychological or emotional abuse#

Physical abuse may seem worse, but verbal and non-verbal abuse can be deeply damaging. Examples include:

• threatening or intimidating a person to gain compliance
• destroying personal property, or being violent towards an object or pet
• yelling, screaming or constantly harassing a person
• not trusting a person’s decisions, or telling them they are worthless without their abuser
• being excessively possessive, or isolating a person from friends and family
• excessive checking-up on a person
• using drugs or alcohol as an excuse to say hurtful things
• blaming a person for the abuser’s own actions or feelings
• making a person feel there is no way out of the relationship

Undermining a person’s self-worth through constant criticism, belittling, name-calling or insults is also a form of emotional abuse.

Sexual abuse#

Sexual abuse is often linked to physical abuse. Examples include:

• any sexual contact without consent, such as rape (including marital rape)
• attacks on the sexual parts of the body
• forced prostitution, unwanted touching or forced sex with others
• being denied contraception when you want to use it
• attempting to undermine a person’s sexuality, such as being sexually derogatory, criticising sexual performance, making accusations of infidelity, or withholding sex

Economic abuse#

Economic abuse includes:

• making, or trying to make, a person financially dependent
• maintaining total control over financial resources, such as withholding money or credit cards
• forbidding a person from attending school or employment
• stealing from or defrauding a partner of money or assets
• exploiting a partner’s resources for personal gain
• withholding food, clothes, necessary medication or shelter
• preventing a partner from working or choosing an occupation

Spiritual and legal abuse#

Spiritual abuse can involve using a person’s religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate them, preventing them from practising their beliefs, ridiculing those beliefs, or forcing children to be raised in a faith the other parent has not agreed to.

Legal abuse is when a person exploits the legal or family law system to intimidate, exhaust, exploit or disempower their partner or family member.

Stalking#

Stalking is a pattern of unwanted contact that makes a person feel afraid, nervous, harassed or in danger. It can occur in person or online. If you are being stalked, seek help.

Who is a family member?#

Family violence can occur in any family relationship, for example between:

• current or former intimate partners, whether married or in de facto relationships, in heterosexual and same-sex relationships
• parents (or step-parents) and children
• siblings
• grandparents, grandchildren, uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces and cousins

It can also occur in relationships that are considered “family-like”, for example in certain cultural traditions or between a person with a disability and their unrelated carer.

The harm family violence causes#

Family violence can cause physical and psychological harm, and it can pass from one generation to the next. Some children who experience family violence become violent adolescents through learned behaviour and a feeling that their world needs controlling. It can affect physical and mental health and lead to wider social problems, including homelessness.

Some immediate health impacts may include:

• physical injuries such as cuts, scrapes and bruises
• fractures and dislocated bones
• knife wounds
• gunshot wounds

Longer-term health impacts may include:

• gastrointestinal disorders associated with stress
• gynaecological problems
• hearing or vision loss
• miscarriage
• sexually transmissible infections
• headaches, back pain or fainting
• sleep disturbances
• anxiety, depression or post-traumatic stress disorder
• eating disorders
• alcohol and substance misuse
• smoking during pregnancy
• homelessness
• in some cases, suicide

Some victims of family violence are killed or die as a result of their injuries. Socially, family violence weakens family and community structures, and victims may find it difficult to attend school or keep a job.

Family violence checklist#

Family violence is a pattern of behaviour that intimidates, belittles or physically hurts you. If you answer “yes” to any of these questions, you may be experiencing family violence and need help:

• Has your partner or family member ever threatened to harm or kill you?
• Does your partner physically hurt you, damage property, throw things or make you feel unsafe or frightened?
• Does your partner make you feel like you can’t do anything right, or make you feel bad about yourself?
• Does your partner constantly put you down, criticise your looks or call you names?
• Do you feel forced or pressured into having sex, even when you don’t want to?
• Has your partner made you do something humiliating or degrading?
• Does your partner control the household finances or your money?
• Does your partner act jealous or suspicious for no reason, or accuse you of flirting?
• Does your partner try to control or limit your contact with family and friends?
• Does your partner constantly need to know where you are, or constantly harass you?
• If you have children, has your partner threatened to take them away or to hurt them?

Even if it has only happened once, you may be experiencing family violence and need help.

How common is family violence?#

Violence against women is recognised as a serious and widespread problem with enormous individual and community impacts and social costs. Violence against women is more likely to be perpetrated by an intimate partner: female victims are more often harmed by a current or former partner, while men are more likely to experience violence in other family relationships, such as a son or sibling.

Intimate partner violence especially affects pregnant women, and pregnancy can be a time when violence begins or escalates. Younger women tend to experience higher rates of physical and sexual violence than older women, and there is growing evidence that women with disabilities are more likely to experience violence. Some communities also face higher rates and more severe forms of violence. Many women who experience violence have children in their care.

Remember#

Family violence is a pattern of abusive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship where one person assumes power over another and causes fear. It can be physical, sexual, psychological, emotional, economic, spiritual or legal abuse. All forms of family violence are illegal and unacceptable.

If you’re affected by family violence, reach out for help at any time you are worried about your safety, your children’s safety, or the safety of anyone else in your household.

Key points#

• Family violence takes many forms, including preventing a partner from working or choosing an occupation, and preventing a person from practising their religious or spiritual beliefs.
• Family violence can cause physical and psychological harm.
• Some victims are killed by a family member, most commonly partners, parents and children.
• All forms of family violence are illegal and unacceptable, and help is available.

Where to get help#